Our Own House

Spring break is here!! Midterms are over for now, after the break I have one more exam and a paper that I have to hand in but that is for later concern! For now I am taking a few days off from studying to get back my energy and motivation to keep going the next two months.

My dad is back from Singapore for the week so we are having a chill week together! Going to visit some family and friends but also falling asleep during movies, going running together and cleaning up the house. Before the weekend the weather was amazing and it was getting warm again but now it is pretty cold again.. so I didn't pack any sweaters of course but I am hoping that it'll get warm again soon haha.

Also I've been listening to this song pretty much non stop for the past 24 hours and it just makes me super happy so I thought I would post it here as well!

So I don't have a lot to tell yet because the break only just started and for most of it so far I have been sleeping.. but I am going to go workout now and then visit my granddad today and just chill again so I will be able to tell much more when my brain is functioning again and not constantly wishing to be napping and watching bad movies on netflix... So for now have a good Sunday and take as many naps as you wish to! Doei!

For now it's a break from study

Reflection

Working out has become my favorite part of the day. That may sound incredibly unbelievable but in a schedule filled with sitting down and having to use my brain, getting my body stronger is liberating. I have two midterm exams tomorrow and should definitely spend all day studying.. or should I? I don't understand the concept of all nighters, my brain does not even come close to functioning properly on too little sleep. Better to sleep a few extra hours and be able to think logically instead of "knowing" a few more facts that I'll be too tired to recall on the exam. I've been studying all these materials for weeks and still am stressed out of my mind for tomorrow. But I am not going to let this stop me from doing today's workout, working out is good for your body and your brain and it feels empowering to feel my muscles working hard. So a short post for today, I had wanted to post something this past weekend but I didn't because I was studying then also... I just got back from my driving lesson and am extremely nauseous from being driven back home (I get carsick if I am not the one behind the wheel) so am taking a break from studying.
It's strange how you know that exams do not dictate life and death, and still freak out completely over the idea of not doing well. Preparing the best you can is all you can do and I think I need to believe that I am doing my best and that that is enough. So on that note I am going to get back to studying now. One more day and then I have a week off from classes (plenty of homework but that's of later concern) and my dad will be in Holland for that week!

Here are two youtube video's for workout motivation that I really like (watch them if you need a study break ;) 1 and 2). And if you are reading this; have a good day (regardless of pressures, exams or other stressful things)! You got this!

Groetjes!

View from my Tuesday morning 5km run. Spring is here!

Something in The Water

It's strange how a place can make you realize just how free you are while at the same time making you feel more trapped then ever.

I realized this as I was watching a youtube video of the beaches near my university. It's a beautiful video in which you can see what the beaches look like from a birds eye perspective. The water reminds me of that there is far more out there then just our little university bubble while at the same time I have no means to cross it and get out of here. (To be fair I also wouldn't do that as I don't want to waste my education or fail any classes but still it can give a strange sense of being powerless despite knowing that if worst came to worst and I really wanted to change something of course I could technically stop and get out. So seeing how I haven't had that urge I know that I am still in the right place and doing what I want to be doing.

Then why do I sometimes feel like I really don't want to go back to Middelburg. I spent this past weekend in Apeldoorn and having to leave again on Sunday evening is for some reason always difficult. Despite having spent most of the weekend studying, by being in a different city I feel more relaxed. So having to go back makes me worry (vicious cycle huh) about the new stress that'll come. But every time the stress is okay and doable, sometimes not totally okay but I get through it, when I just get going and keep going with my work I am fine as long as I just keep breathing. The amount of times I have told myself to just keep breathing ever since I started going to school is uncountable. My mom and dad used to tell me that when I had anxiety as a kid and also as an adolescent (let's be real they told me that yesterday over skype) and it always helps. Silly how a simple thing like breathing is something I sometimes have to remind myself of. I write it on the bottom of my to do lists when I get stressed out by all the things I have to do that day or week, the last item is breathe.

Don't get me wrong my education is great and I am really enjoying my courses this semester. We get super long holidays but to compensate for those we have a high workload throughout the semesters and sometimes I let the stress get to me. I think I want to blame it on the city or the university just so I can portray frustration onto something other than myself. At the same time I wouldn't want to study anything else, and I actually really like Middelburg most of the time.

Of course I know things could be far worse and I chose to go to university and to this one in particular. Of course I know how lucky I am to even be able to get an education such as the one I am getting. Of course I realize that I might sound incredibly ungrateful and whiny. But sometimes one's own situation can feel trapped despite knowing it could be worse. As I am writing this I am also aware that I enjoy studying (usually) and that the stress and workload is just preparation for the future. But sometimes I ask myself why I keep stressing myself out, when I know that so far things have always turned out completely fine or better than fine.

I've been back for almost twenty-four hours now and I can easily say it as always wasn't even close to as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was super tired after a bad night's sleep but it was a good day of interesting classes and to make things even better, on my bike ride home (at 18:00) it was still light outside!! Winter is leaving!On that note it is now almost 22:00 and I am super tired so I am calling it an early night. Slaap lekker!

I'm Not The Only One

Yesterday Leonie and I presented on the new genre in autobiography known as blogging. Do we share everything online? Are we obliged to have an agreement of full disclosure with our readers, in an online diary such as my own blog? Do we have to write in a literary style such as the author wishes from all online journals or blogs? Is everything we write truthful and if it isn't is that ok? Do we need rules in blogging? Or is this the place for our freedom?

All these questions and more were discussed with our classmates. I showed this blog to them as well, at first hesitant at the idea until I realized that was a bit ridiculous. I've decided to write these things AND post them online for anyone to find. So I showed my blog to the class and accepted the fact that everything I decided to post is already out here and it could be a matter of time before anyone found it anyway. But the biggest influence from our presentation for myself is that I'm back here blogging again!! It's been way too long (again) but as my friend Ibby said to me the other day: "You don't break promises to your friends right? So why would you break them to yourself?"

So here I am again, trying to unbreak (that's not a word and I apologize to Ms McNeill...) that promise I make to myself a few times a year that this time I will keep up with blogging. What the content of this blog will be? Who knows, but it'll be about things I experience as a student but mostly as myself. Dreams, aspirations and hopes will come by. I'm now over halfway done with my undergraduate degree and it makes me think about what I want to do with the rest of my life, where I want to go and how I want to get there.

For now I am going back to my homework despite wishing I wouldn't have to and could just get started on that "rest of my life" bit that I dream about daily. But for the foreseeable future I really am enjoying my university life and am happy with where I am. This weekend I am back in Apeldoorn for three days. In an empty house but it has an amazing sofa, bed and bathtub which I missed insanely. Although I do enjoy living in my lovely apartment in Middelburg, I am glad to be somewhere else for a few days after having been there for over 5 weeks without leaving. Sometimes it's nice to rest somewhere else and put all the stress and worries into perspective.

If anyone reads this, I hope you are well and have a great weekend!

Unrelated image but throwback to the past winterbreak and my trip to Singapore! Post about this will follow soon!

Wicked Games

Almost every time I attempted to get in shape I got injured within the first few weeks leading to months of doing nothing while recovering. I tend to get really excited and overly motivated to the point where I far overestimate the things my joints can handle. My family has some genetic problems which leads to joint and pain problems and although I don't have this too much it is present and one of these symptoms for me is that I get injured relatively easy.

Last year, around the same time of the year, I got a hip injury after I started running again after a long summer holiday post-high school, pre-university. Within two weeks I went from running 3km to running 5km to 8km and at least 3 times a week. I got way too excited and didn't listen to people telling me to be careful.

 I love running, I love the feeling of strength it gives me, the sense that I can clear my mind and can feel myself moving forward, being outside in the fresh air, rain or shine. Of course I don't love the times when it doesn't go well and when I can't keep my breath under control. Those are the times I get super frustrated, running gives me a strange sense of control while letting go. It's quite strange to put my thoughts about running in writing but it is also letting me reflect on the past few weeks of getting in shape again.

When this semester started I was not in the mindset of exercising and eating healthy, I was just eating what I wanted, studying, hanging out with friends but I had lost the excitement of feeling fit. During the summer I biked 20 km a day when I went to work and then walked around all day at work so I got fitter and more toned without consciously trying. Then the cartilage below my kneecap got inflamed and I could barely walk for weeks (overenthusiastic moving once again...). So when the semester started and I didn't move anymore I gained 10 kg (not even joking). After losing 5 kilo's without wanting to last semester due to insane amounts of personal and academic stress it isn't crazy that when this stress stopped bothering me I gained the lost weight.

A month and half ago I started running again. I was terrified that it wouldn't go well so decided to not even bring my phone with running app just in case my hips would hurt again. I did a slow program with a friend, running for a few minutes then walking etc. And my hips didn't hurt. So slowly I began running more frequently in combination with the yoga class I have been following for most of this semester and it went well. A friend of mine then told me about Kayla Itsines 12 week Bikini Body Guide which she had started, so after getting the guide I began also! I am now at the end of week 2 and I feel great! In the past 8 days I had 8 workouts. This might sound excessive but all the workouts are building muscles and the workouts are created so that you can actually do them without getting injured. With running I am not going crazy and running short distances. After one month of running I was able to get from barely being able to run for 3 minutes straight to running 3,5 km straight and no hip pain. I therefore am being careful about going longer distances and for now will keep running this distance, 3-3,5 km (sometimes a little shorter distance if I am running faster).

The BBG program is running 3 times a week and 3 workouts from the guide and it's been amazing! I have gotten rid of my weighing scale (dropped it off at a friend's place for safe keeping) and am only thinking about how my body feels and what the progress pictures show me rather than what the scale tells me. I took before pictures at the beginning of week 1 and today at the end of week 2. I can really already see that I am getting slightly more toned around my legs and stomach!  I am a bit nervous to show these pictures but I am thinking about making an instagram account dedicated to my fitness and progress to help motivate myself and follow other people who are also working out and can help motivate me. For now though, here is a picture of me during week 2's ab and arm workout this past Wednesday while I felt like I was slowly dying...

Lips Are Movin

Every time I start writing on this blog again I promise myself that I will keep it up. But then the semester starts again or I get busy with other things and I forget about it completely for a while, then feel guilty towards myself for not continuing the blog and then postpone it because I think it has been way too long since I posted anything anyway.

It is now almost the end of my third semester of university and so much has happened that I don't even know where to begin. So rather than complete throwbacks I will simply start with something recent and throughout new blogposts I will tell things that happened previously related to more "current events".

Speaking of how fast time flies, my 20th birthday was last week Sunday! Instead of a birthday the celebration turned into a birthweek practically, starting Friday evening until Thursday's lunchbreak. Friday I had a party with friends from university. Saturday I celebrated with my dad who was in Holland for two weeks. We went to dinner at this amazing restaurant called Spicebrush de Proeferij in Apeldoorn after which we went to see Mockingjay part 1. Sunday I was woken up by my dad accompanied by my mom and sister on skype who sang happy birthday to me to wake me up. It was really wonderful and made me feel as if I was home with all of them. We had breakfast in bed and went for a run together which we hadn't done in about 5 years. In the evening he had to go back to Singapore and I went back to Middelburg where I spent the evening with three wonderful friends. Monday morning, while I was at work, there was a flower delivery service and my dad had arranged for 20 red roses to be delivered. This is a tradition that my dad always gives us the number of red roses equal to our new age. I had forgotten about it during the weekend but it was the best surprise while at work! In the evening two other friends made me sushi and a chocolate cheesecake and we had a lovely evening. And then this past Thursday I had a birthday lunch with my sorority (yep I joint a sorority and I don't think I posted about that yet so more about that soon) and they gave me absolutely deliciously smelling (is that proper English?) perfume!

It was an absolutely wonderful birthday and I am very grateful and happy that I got spend the time with family and friends. So to everyone that made this birthday celebration happen, you know who you are, thank you!

Birthday girls!

Running with papa!

Lovely birthday evening with these girls <3

Surprise roses!

Moved to my new room!

Together with my friend Savannah, I painted my (new) bookcase! It was a light brown color before we began and after two layers I had a white bookcase which I am so so happy with, it fits perfectly in my new room!

My mom and sister were here in Zeeland for a week which was really nice as we can hang out a lot now before they leave for Singapore. After they left I decided to travel to Apeldoorn next week so I can see them a bit more as the next time I see them after they leave on Thursday is Christmas. Unexpectedly I went today already so I am now back with my family!

And I officially moved into my new room!! Within the same building... BUT in the past few days, my uncle and cousins husband came to help me move the furniture and together with my mom and sister I spent some time putting the smaller things in place. I spent my first two nights here and I slept so wonderfully probably because I was exhausted but it was also just quieter here than it was on the ground floor and it was wonderful.