Our Own House

Spring break is here!! Midterms are over for now, after the break I have one more exam and a paper that I have to hand in but that is for later concern! For now I am taking a few days off from studying to get back my energy and motivation to keep going the next two months.

My dad is back from Singapore for the week so we are having a chill week together! Going to visit some family and friends but also falling asleep during movies, going running together and cleaning up the house. Before the weekend the weather was amazing and it was getting warm again but now it is pretty cold again.. so I didn't pack any sweaters of course but I am hoping that it'll get warm again soon haha.

Also I've been listening to this song pretty much non stop for the past 24 hours and it just makes me super happy so I thought I would post it here as well!

So I don't have a lot to tell yet because the break only just started and for most of it so far I have been sleeping.. but I am going to go workout now and then visit my granddad today and just chill again so I will be able to tell much more when my brain is functioning again and not constantly wishing to be napping and watching bad movies on netflix... So for now have a good Sunday and take as many naps as you wish to! Doei!

For now it's a break from study

Reflection

Working out has become my favorite part of the day. That may sound incredibly unbelievable but in a schedule filled with sitting down and having to use my brain, getting my body stronger is liberating. I have two midterm exams tomorrow and should definitely spend all day studying.. or should I? I don't understand the concept of all nighters, my brain does not even come close to functioning properly on too little sleep. Better to sleep a few extra hours and be able to think logically instead of "knowing" a few more facts that I'll be too tired to recall on the exam. I've been studying all these materials for weeks and still am stressed out of my mind for tomorrow. But I am not going to let this stop me from doing today's workout, working out is good for your body and your brain and it feels empowering to feel my muscles working hard. So a short post for today, I had wanted to post something this past weekend but I didn't because I was studying then also... I just got back from my driving lesson and am extremely nauseous from being driven back home (I get carsick if I am not the one behind the wheel) so am taking a break from studying.
It's strange how you know that exams do not dictate life and death, and still freak out completely over the idea of not doing well. Preparing the best you can is all you can do and I think I need to believe that I am doing my best and that that is enough. So on that note I am going to get back to studying now. One more day and then I have a week off from classes (plenty of homework but that's of later concern) and my dad will be in Holland for that week!

Here are two youtube video's for workout motivation that I really like (watch them if you need a study break ;) 1 and 2). And if you are reading this; have a good day (regardless of pressures, exams or other stressful things)! You got this!

Groetjes!

View from my Tuesday morning 5km run. Spring is here!

Something in The Water

It's strange how a place can make you realize just how free you are while at the same time making you feel more trapped then ever.

I realized this as I was watching a youtube video of the beaches near my university. It's a beautiful video in which you can see what the beaches look like from a birds eye perspective. The water reminds me of that there is far more out there then just our little university bubble while at the same time I have no means to cross it and get out of here. (To be fair I also wouldn't do that as I don't want to waste my education or fail any classes but still it can give a strange sense of being powerless despite knowing that if worst came to worst and I really wanted to change something of course I could technically stop and get out. So seeing how I haven't had that urge I know that I am still in the right place and doing what I want to be doing.

Then why do I sometimes feel like I really don't want to go back to Middelburg. I spent this past weekend in Apeldoorn and having to leave again on Sunday evening is for some reason always difficult. Despite having spent most of the weekend studying, by being in a different city I feel more relaxed. So having to go back makes me worry (vicious cycle huh) about the new stress that'll come. But every time the stress is okay and doable, sometimes not totally okay but I get through it, when I just get going and keep going with my work I am fine as long as I just keep breathing. The amount of times I have told myself to just keep breathing ever since I started going to school is uncountable. My mom and dad used to tell me that when I had anxiety as a kid and also as an adolescent (let's be real they told me that yesterday over skype) and it always helps. Silly how a simple thing like breathing is something I sometimes have to remind myself of. I write it on the bottom of my to do lists when I get stressed out by all the things I have to do that day or week, the last item is breathe.

Don't get me wrong my education is great and I am really enjoying my courses this semester. We get super long holidays but to compensate for those we have a high workload throughout the semesters and sometimes I let the stress get to me. I think I want to blame it on the city or the university just so I can portray frustration onto something other than myself. At the same time I wouldn't want to study anything else, and I actually really like Middelburg most of the time.

Of course I know things could be far worse and I chose to go to university and to this one in particular. Of course I know how lucky I am to even be able to get an education such as the one I am getting. Of course I realize that I might sound incredibly ungrateful and whiny. But sometimes one's own situation can feel trapped despite knowing it could be worse. As I am writing this I am also aware that I enjoy studying (usually) and that the stress and workload is just preparation for the future. But sometimes I ask myself why I keep stressing myself out, when I know that so far things have always turned out completely fine or better than fine.

I've been back for almost twenty-four hours now and I can easily say it as always wasn't even close to as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was super tired after a bad night's sleep but it was a good day of interesting classes and to make things even better, on my bike ride home (at 18:00) it was still light outside!! Winter is leaving!On that note it is now almost 22:00 and I am super tired so I am calling it an early night. Slaap lekker!